


Still I Fly

by FarAwayInWonderland



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mention of attempted suicide, Teaching, Unplanned Pregnancy, minor description of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarAwayInWonderland/pseuds/FarAwayInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he is told by his one-night-stand that he got her pregnant, Mike didn’t think he could juggle becoming father and his studies at the same time. After all, raising a baby costs money. Cue in Professor Harvey Specter who is searching for a teaching assistant that doesn’t try his patience every time he opens his mouth and who is actually more interested in the law instead of where the next party he could get smashed at would be taking place. Jessica, Donna and Rachel are content with siting at the sideline and betting when the two of them will finally get their acts together and do something about their undeniable attraction to each other. And Louis is just Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still I Fly

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no knowledge about the following things: pregnancy, the inner workings of college in the US and how some people can seriously consider Donald Trump as the next president. Everything written below is made up – except the pregnancy facts, those I looked up on the internet. Bear that in mind, when you read the story.
> 
> Say hello to me on [tumblr.](http://specter-und-ross.tumblr.com/)

To say that Mike was ready to become father while he was still in college was like claiming that World War I had been some minor misunderstanding.

“W-W-What?” was the only word that was able to make its way out of his mouth as he gaped at the girl standing in his shitty dorm room. She looked out of place, amidst the dozens of askew movie posters on the wall, the many books that littered every surface of the room and the messy bed on which he had to sit down after he had finally understood what she was telling him.

“I said that I´m pregnant,” the girl repeated. Juliette was her name. She and Mike had met on one of the many parties that were part of college life a few weeks ago. There had been something between them – a connection, a spark or simply lust – and after vast quantities of alcohol and not so subtle gazes between them, they had landed in one of the empty bedrooms.

Mike looked at Juliette. In movies with situations such as theirs there were always tears involved, but Juliette looked as composed as ever. Her blonde hair was done in a loose braid that hung over her shoulder, her green eyes weren’t teary and her pale skin wasn’t red and blotchy from crying constantly. She didn’t look like a barely twenty-year-old who just had to tell a former one-night stand that he was the father of her baby.

“I really don’t know what to say,” Mike stammered after the silence between them became too tense to bear. He really didn’t. Mike wasn’t stupid – far from it actually – but he never thought that one day he would be in a situation that he had always assumed only occurred in bad teen romances. Intellectually he had been aware that such things could and did happen, but knowing something and actually experiencing it were two completely different pair of shoes.

Of course, Mike had had some abstract plans about family and children. One day when he was settled in a job he liked and had the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with he wanted to have a child of his own and be the best father he could be, but like he said: That had always been a hypothetical situation somewhere in the distant future, not something to worry about while being in college.

“Look Mike,” Juliette started. “Let´s be honest, okay? I don’t expect you to declare me the love of your life. We were drunk and horny and didn’t expect to see the other ever again. We used each other to get off and nothing else.” She took a deep breath. “Soon there´ll be a baby for which we´ll be responsible for. Because the baby? It definitely will come. I won´t abort, I…I just can´t, okay?”

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Mike agreed. Juliette just snorted.

“Even if you wanted me to do it, I wouldn’t have done it,” she said. “This is my body and you have no control over it.” Another stretch of silent.

“Listen,” Juliette continued. “We need to make a game plan. We can´t go into this playing by ear.”

“What do you propose?” Mike asked. “You seem to have spent quite some thought on the matter already.”

“I need a place to stay,” Juliette answered. “Because once I can´t hide this anymore –“ she gestured to her stomach “ – my parents will disavow me: The trust fund, my bank account, my name in their will – everything will be taken from me.”

“You can´t be serious!” Mike exclaimed. He couldn’t believe that there were parents who would do something like that. He had to think of his own parents; of his mother who had been teacher at the local school and lit up every time she spoke about the things she did with her students and of his father who always tried to find loopholes in the contracts the insurance he worked at issued when he knew that it were children who had to suffer because their parents were denied money they desperately needed only because they couldn’t afford the same lawyers his employer did.

How would they have reacted to the news if they were still alive, Mike wondered. Not like that. Certainly not like that. There would have been some serious discussion – because who wanted his child to have children when it didn’t even have a life on its own – but in the end, Mike was sure, his parents would have been delighted and welcomed the new addition to their family with wide smiles and open arms.

“Please,” Juliette retorted with bitterness lacing her voice. “I´m a legacy. Big plans were made for me the moment my parents were told that my mother was pregnant. I was to go to Harvard, study law, take over my parent´s firm and marry someone who would bring in as much as I would into the marriage. But now that I´m damaged goods? Not happening anymore.”

“You aren’t damaged goods,” Mike responded.

“Aw, that´s sweet,” Juliette cooed and patted his cheek. “You´ve never met my parents, have you? It´s like someone took the crazy from the far-right republicans, added a dash of religiousness – but not the bits about charity, but rather only the prohibitions, sins and punishments – and completed it with capitalist success.”

“That does sound….” Mike started, searching for the right words.

“Terrible? Terrifying? Abominable? Like a childhood blast?” Juliette finished for him. “You´d be right on every account.”

“I´ll do everything I can to support you,” Mike stated. After hearing what Juliette was about to face with her parents he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. She may not be the love of his life – for fuck´s sake, they barely knew each other! – but she was the mother of his unborn child and he wouldn’t already fail his child by being unable to provide for its mother. “I´ll drop out of college and get myself a job…it won´t pay much without degree, though…so maybe several? The restaurant around the corner has a vacancy to fill….” He knew that he rambled, but he couldn’t help it. The situation was way above his head and he just didn’t know what to do. “You can stay at my grandma´s house.” Mike smiled. “She´ll be glad to have someone she can impart all her motherly knowledge on.”

A little of the tension seemed to ease out of Juliette´s stance.

“That would be really appreciated,” she said and offered a small smile, the first one since she had come over. “And I´m really sorry that you have to drop out of college.” Mike thought that Juliette definitely had drawn the shorter stick – at least he knew that he would always have his Grammy to fall back on. From what it seems Juliette would have no one once her parents learned about her pregnancy.

“I´m sorry, too,” he just replied and from the pained expression that flashed over Juliette´s face he knew that she knew also of all the opportunities that she would never have now.

“That´s probably the last time we´ll have time to feel sorry for ourselves,” Juliette said without much humour and sat down beside him. “In nine months there´ll be a human being that we have to take care of.”

“I can´t really grasp it,” Mike replied.

“Me neither,” Juliette commented. Silence descended upon them. Then she continued. “You know, when the pregnancy test was positive, I made up this whole talk with you and now that I´m finished I just feel terrified.” She swallowed. “I have no clue how to do this.”

“I can´t say I have either,” Mike responded. “But I´ll do my best. And my grandmother will help us. She raised both my dad and me, so she should have some tips about child-raising for us, shouldn´t she?” Juliette looked at him, tears collecting in the corner of her eyes.

“Can you just hold me?” she just asked. “Just…Just for a few seconds?” Mike spread his arms and Juliette scooped herself up into his embrace and pressed her face into his chest. Mike just held her and rubbed soothing circles on her back, feeling way out of his depth. He could feel Juliette shaking and after a while he realized that she was crying.

Mike swallowed hard. He really didn’t know how to comfort someone in a situation just like that. Before he could say anything, though, Juliette disentangled herself from his arms, stood up and dried her tears with her sleeves.

“I think I should go now,” she said weakly. “Would you tell me when I can move my things to your grandmother?”

“I will,” Mike replied resolutely. A few moments ago Juliette had been strong and composed. Now it was his turn to be strong and he wouldn’t shrink that responsibility.

“Thank you,” Juliette said with a weak smile. Then she took her coat from the chair and left his room. Mike just continued standing in the middle of his room, asking himself how the Hell he should tell his Grammy that he had gotten a girl pregnant.

* * *

 

“Mike, what problem did you run in this time?” his Grammy asked only moments after she had opened the door and seen him standing on her doormat. Mike just made a face.

“Why should I be in any trouble?” he asked indignantly and entered his grandmother´s cosy house. Edith Ross just shook her head and closed the door behind him.

“Because you never visit on weekdays, except if there´s something bothering you,” she replied as she sat down in her favourite chair opposite of the couch where Mike had settled down. “And because you already ran your fingers through your hair several times and you only do that when you´re either stressed or in trouble. So, which is it?”

Mike fidgeted with his hands.

“I…I…it´s…ehm,” he started, but he just couldn’t force the words out of his mouth. It was as if there was a wall within his mind that prevented him from spilling everything to his grandmother.

“Mike,” Edith said soothingly. “No matter what you tell me, I´ll support you with everything I have. There´s nothing you could do to change that. Nothing, do you hear me?” She looked Mike into the eye and when he saw nothing but warmth, compassion and love in those green eyes, some of the tension eased away.

“I got a girl pregnant,” Mike said without pausing between the words. Better fast than stretching it on; like ripping off a Band-Aid. He looked up to his Grammy. She just sat there, watching him intensely and not a single emotion flashing over her face.

“How?” she asked after a while and Mike face went red when he thought about telling his own grandmother how he slept with Juliette.

“You had a child as well, so I think you know how it works,” he tried to joke, but Edith just glared at him.

“Don´t sass me,” she snapped.

“It was at a party,” Mike replied, the familiar tone making him feel again like the twelve-year-old who had hidden his Grammy´s favourite blouse after he got mud all over it, hoping that she wouldn’t find it. She had, though. “And I used a condom, I swear, but she came to me today and told me that she was pregnant.” He swallowed.

“I can´t say that I´m very happy with you,” his grandmother began and held up her hand to silence Mike when he wanted to speak up. “But I´ll never be unhappy about a child being born and I stand by what I said: You have my full support.” Mike had known that his Grammy would help him – after all she had raised him and he knew the woman better than he had known his own parents – but hearing her speaking it out loud cast away the last bit of doubt that still had lingered in the back of his mind.

“Who is the mother?” his grandmother asked.

“Her name is Juliette,” Mike answered. “Quite pretentious, I know, but she comes from wealthy parents. She is very determined, knows what she wants and doesn´t let any man decide what she can and can´t do.”

“Sounds like someone I could get along with,” Edith smiled.

“Let´s hope you do,” Mike mumbled. “She needs a place to stay.”

“And you offered my house?” Mike´s grandmother asked with raised eyebrows. Mike wanted to say something, but his Grammy beat him to it. “I would have doubted if I had raised you right if you hadn’t. She can move in whenever she wants.”

“Thank you,” Mike offered his grandmother a shy smile.

“No need for that,” Edith replied. “After all, that´s what family is for.”

* * *

 

The last thing Mike had to do was to opt out of his college courses and get himself a job. It truly pained Mike to do it, but he wasn’t naïve. The only reason why he even got into college was because of his scholarship, otherwise he could have never afforded it. There was no way that he could somehow get enough money to get himself through college and support a baby and its mother.

It seemed as if his dream of becoming a lawyer had ended before it could even start, Mike thought drily as he stared at the lecture hall. Usually the building emanated a calming aura, with its old Victorian style of architecture, but today it loomed above Mike´s head as if it was disappointed by his decision – what probably meant that Mike hadn’t slept enough last night when he was already attributing human emotions into a college lecture hall.

Shaking his head Mike made his way into the building to the offices that were located behind the classrooms. The only time he had been there was when he had started college and had to collect some documents for his scholarship, but he had heard stories from other students. According to them a Renaissance court had nothing on the law faculty when it came to intrigue, backstabbing and similar things.

Mike entered the secretariat and looked around, not sure what he had to do now.

“You look like you need help,” a voice came from beside him and Mike nearly fell over in surprise. When he looked around his gaze was met by a red-haired woman who just smiled at him with raised eyebrows. She wore a white skirt combined with a black blouse and Mike was sure that you could stab someone to death with heels that high. The woman eradiated an aura of self-confidence and superiority and by the way she held herself, Mike guessed that she did it completely on purpose.

“Eh, you could say that, Miss…?” Mike replied and let the sentence hang in the air so that the mysterious woman would give him her name.

“You can call me Donna,” the woman answered his unspoken question. “It´s like a name and a title in one.” The way she spoke Mike had no trouble believing it. “So you´re here for a drop-out form?” Mike gaped at Donna.

“H-how could you know that?” he spluttered.

“There are only three reasons why a student would stray in here,” Donna explained in a voice that made it sound like she was imparting some great wisdom upon Mike. “Reason one: They´re here to beg a professor to postpone the due date for their assignments. Reason two: They´re here to beg a professor for a better grade. And reason three: They don´t know that the drop-out form can be found in the main office on the other side of the campus and are here instead.”

“Maybe I´m here to beg a professor for a better grade!” Mike shot back. Donna just shook her head.

“No, you aren´t,” she just replied.

“You can´t positively know that!” Mike exclaimed.

“I´m Donna,” the red-head just smirked. “I know everything.”

“Then do you also know why this coffee tastes like shit?” came a gravel voice from behind. Mike turned around only to be faced with Professor Specter. He was in his usual three-piece suit, which brought out his broad chest and fit so exactly that it was still classy, but left nothing to one´s imagination. On his face he wore his trademark smirk and together with his gelled back hair it made him look like he just stepped out of GQ-Cover.

He looked hot and he probably knew it.

“They changed the supplier,” Donna replied without blinking. “The beans are of lesser quality, but it also saves the college thousand dollars a year.” Specter looked at Donna with narrowed eyes and Mike just hoped that both of them had forgotten him and that he could just walk out of her and get his drop-out form. But fortune wasn’t supposed to be on his side.

“What are you doing here?” Specter asked and turned towards Mike as he was about to slowly inch away from the two. “You´re in my Corporate Law lecture, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Mike responded. Corporate Law was one of the hardest courses the law faculty offered. Over 56 percent of the students taking it dropped out after the first semester, but nevertheless the course was highly sought after as it was taught by Harvey Specter himself and successfully passing it opened up a lot of opportunity later on in your life.

For Mike Corporate Law was the only course that really challenged him. His eidetic memory wasn’t much of a help here, because Specter demanded out-of-the-box thinking and innovative strategies on the spot and wasn’t much for simply learning out of books and writing tests. Every other course Mike could pass with flying colours without even trying because it was just taking standardized tests, but Harvey Specter´s class was a challenge and Mike admired the man for it.

“No, you don’t get extra days for the essay and I won´t give you a better grade,” was Specter´s response as if he had rehearsed it several hundred times.

“He´s here for the drop-out form,” Donna piped up from behind Specter. “We really should make an announcement that we don’t have them.”

“Why would you drop out of college?” Specter asked with narrowed eyes.

“First she,” Mike said and pointed at Donna. “And now you. What´s with that sudden interest in my personal life?”

“You´re the only student in this years’ course who has a modicum of intelligence,” Specter replied and coming from him that was a huge compliment. “You even knew Sarbanes-Oxley as the only one out of the thunderheads I have the pleasure of teaching this year. I don’t want to let such potential go to waste.”

“It´s private,” Mike answered resolutely. He may respect – _and have a slight crush on_ – Specter, but his private life was his own.

“If someone holds a gun at your head there are 151 ways to dismantle it,” Specter said.

“Well, then you obviously have never been held at gunpoint,” Mike shot back irritated. He really didn’t need Specter´s pseudo-advice. Doing this was already difficult enough.

Donna just snorted and Specter shot her a betrayed look. “He has you there,” she just said.

“Now, if you excuse me,” Mike said and was about to leave, but in his haste he crashed right into Specter. Mike nearly fell over, but a strong grip around his arm saved him from landing on the floor.

“Careful,” Specter smirked and Mike blushed deep red.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and fled the room, pretty sure that Specter and Donna were laughing at him right now. Why did he always have to be so clumsy?

* * *

 

When he left the lecture hall the sun was shining outside, bathing everything around Mike in her golden rays. Students were mingling around, laughing and shouting – some of them with their heads buried in their books – or simply laying in the grass and trying to catch some sleep. Seeing this made Mike´s hear twinge because soon this wouldn’t be his life anymore.

“Ross,” someone shouted from behind. Mike turned around and was surprised to see Specter walking casually towards him. “You lost this.” He held his hand up to Mike who noticed his cell phone.

“Oh, thank you,” Mike said. “It must have fallen out of my pocket when I nearly fell on the floor.” He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “Now, I really have to go, though. I need that drop-out form.” He turned around and walked down the stairs when Specter said something else:

“So, you got a girl pregnant.” It was said so hushed that only Mike was able to hear it and he nearly fell down the stairs – again – when he heard Specter say it. Face ashen, Mike turned around to face Specter.

“How do you know?”

“A Juliette send you a message,” Specter answered nonchalantly.

“And you read it?” Mike demanded to know.

“It´s not my fault that the message was displayed right on the screen,” Specter shrugged.

“That´s a violation of my privacy,” Mike seethed. “I could report you.” Specter´s smirk just grew wider.

“Look, you can either stand there and continue to be righteously angry at me,” he began, “or you can follow me back in there.” He indicated back to the lecture hall.

“Do I have a choice?” Mike asked with narrowed eyes.

“No, not really,” Specter replied cheerfully. “And now come, we don’t have any time to waste.” Mike knew very well that if he really wanted he could just turn around and leave Specter standing there. But the truth was that Mike really didn’t want to drop out of college. He loved the atmosphere, the learning, the other students – and he was loath to give it up. He didn’t know what Specter wanted, but it was an opportunity to delay his resignation and just stay a little bit longer, so he would take it.

Specter lead Mike back the same way from which he had just come, only, instead of leading Mike back to the office where he met Donna, they stopped right in front of the Dean´s office.

“What are we doing here?” Mike hissed. He had heard of Jessica Pearson. It was said that she could even make Chuck Norris beg for mercy with just one gaze and some students even claimed that they knew other students who knew students that knew students that went into Pearson´s office and never came back. Mike was pretty sure that the latter was just an exaggerated rumour, but he wasn’t so sure about the first one.

“Relax,” Specter replied. “Jessica won´t eat you – that’s not her style.” And with that said he opened the door to Pearson´s office.

“Jessica,” Specter exclaimed cheerfully. Inside the room, behind a heavy mahogany desk, Jessica Pearson sat with an expression that was a mixture between fondness and annoyance. Her straight black hair hung loosely over her beige costume that made her look regal and imposing. Like Donna her heels were damn high and Mike wondered if every woman in the Law Faculty had a fetish for shoes like that.

“Harvey,” Pearson replied evenly as she leaned back into her comfy looking chair. “If it´s about the discussion we had today morning then my opinion hasn’t changed since then.”

“It is about the discussion we had,” Specter replied. “Let me introduce you to my new Teaching Assistant.” Pearson´s head snapped towards Mike who just stood there and probably looked like a deer caught in the headlight.

“Harvey, if this is a joke of yours I´ll make you regret the day you were born,” Pearson threatened and right now Mike could truly believe that she could make Chuck Norris cry. But Specter just continued to smile at the smouldering woman.

“No joke,” he replied. “He´s the only one who can keep up with me during the lecture and if you force me to take a TA – which I really don’t need – then at least it will be one of which I can be sure that he actually is able to do the work I´ll give him.” Dean Pearson looked at Specter, then at Mike, and back to Specter with a sceptical expression.

“Well,” she said after a while. “You take him, you´ll keep him and you´ll be the one to clean up his messes.”

“Don´t worry,” Harvey assured. “He´s already house trained.”

“I´m not a puppy!” Mike exclaimed indignantly.

“Are you really sure you want to commit to this?” Pearson asked, completely ignoring Mike.

“I am,” Specter replied evenly.

“Then so be it,” Ms Pearson spoke and Mike couldn’t help but feel like something grave had happened, something that he would later look back on and pinpoint as the moment where his life irreversible changed. For the better or for the worse, that could be only seen in the future.  

* * *

 

“What the hell was that?” Mike demanded to know after Harvey led him in what Mike believed to be his office. Every inch of each wall was covered with shelves full of records – Mike could see the Spinners, Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra – with the only exception being the windows on the wall opposite of the door.

Harvey closed the door right in front of a curious looking Donna and turned around to Mike.

“That was me giving you a job that pays much more than anything else you could get around here while it simultaneously allows you to continue your studies,” Harvey retorted nonchalantly.

“But…why?” Mike wanted to know. Beyond the lectures Mike sat in they had no contact until today. Hell, he had never spoken a single word to Specter outside class and yet the man was willing to give him a job. Mike knew that the TA posts were highly sought after and that some students were willing to do nearly everything to get one. Being TA made you some sort of campus nobility and there was some serious competition over the few spots that were available each semester. So why would Specter give the job to him.

“Like I said,” Specter started to reply, “you´re the only one with a modicum of intelligence around here and I hate to see such potential going to waste. Besides,” he shot Mike a grin, “as TA you´ll be a reflection of me. You aren´t a giant douchebag and your sense of style still can be improved. With the money the college is paying you, you´ll be more than able to provide for your child and its mother.”

“I really don´t know what to say,” Mike gulped. This – this was the solution to his problem that he hadn’t known even existed. He wouldn’t be a horrible father who couldn’t provide for his own child and yet he could continue his dream of becoming a lawyer. It was if a pressure had been lifted from his shoulders and he could finally stand tall again; as if a grey veil had been lifted and he was only now able to see all the colour in their usual brilliance.

“Don’t say anything,” Specter replied. “Pay me back by using that intellect of yours to make me look good.”

“I will, Profesor,” Mike answered sincerely.

“And one last thing,” Specter added. “Call me Harvey. Professor makes me sound old.”

* * *

 

Harvey stood in front of the window front in his living room, scotch in one hand, and looked out of the windows on the buzzling lights of the city beneath. The college had some lodging for its employees, but Harvey hadn’t wanted to live in those restricting flats directly on the campus. Instead he had bought this beautiful condo, which was way too big for him, but he wouldn’t give it up for anything on this world.

Not only because it came with numerous luxuries, but also because it had a sentimental worth for him. It was visible proof that he had made something out of his life, that he had freed himself from the poverty that had been part of his family´s life for so long. He could go to bed and didn’t have to worry about paying the bills, about getting his baby brother something to eat the next day, about his mother´s slow descend into alcoholism and the little money his father brought back from his jazz gigs in run-down bars on the edge of town.

No, Harvey had made it out and the condo was the visible sign for this success.

As he took another mouthful of scotch, feeling the liquid burn down his throat, Harvey thought about what had occurred today. Truth to be told, when Jessica had told – or rather ordered him – to take a student as TA he was more than a little irritated. The only persons he could tolerate working with were Donna and Jessica and he didn’t need a whiny student who he had to hold hand with because he couldn’t do anything Harvey wanted the right way.

Cue in Mike Ross. The boy was one of the few students Harvey could tolerate – dare he say even liked – because not only was he intelligent, he also was able to apply said intellect in such a way that he could keep up with Harvey´s lesson.

So Harvey had been dismayed when he learned that the boy was planning to drop out of college. But Harvey wouldn’t be Harvey if he hadn’t turned this obstacle into a chance for himself. ‘Accidently’ crashing into Mike and getting hold of his mobile wasn’t really difficult – not if you had grown up like him – and as Fortuna willed it, the reason for Mike´s plan sent him a message right in this moment. ‘Should start to think about baby names. We won´t wait until the birth to decide that.’

So Harvey had the puzzle pieces and just had to put them together in a way that befitted him the most. And he couldn’t come up with a better candidate for being his TA than Mike Ross. The kid was still young and inexperienced. Harvey could mould him however he liked. And later on, when Mike was rising high through the world of law, Harvey could lean back, knowing that all of this was his making. The puppeteer moving the strings.

Harvey took another sip. Yes, this year certainly wouldn’t be boring.

* * *

 

The next morning Mike was standing in front of Harvey´s office. The man himself had yet to appear, so Mike wasted his time by reciting Pi in his head as far as he could remember. He had a few hundred position after decimal point when the professor finally rounded the corner.

“You´re late,” was the first thing out of Mike´s mouth and he winced inwardly. Not a great way to start your first day at work.

“I´m not late,” Harvey replied. “I make my own time. And my own time says that it´s exactly the right time to arrive.” He unlocked his office and beckoned Mike to follow him into the room. Before Mike was even able to close the door behind him, Harvey had already pushed a thick batch of papers onto him.

“These,” he explained pointing at the papers Mike struggled to hold on to. “Are the uninspired works of students who just started this course and think that they can bullshit their way through it like they did with their entire life. I want you to destroy their illusions by correcting them all until 6pm.”

“And what if there´s an assignment that´s actually good?” Mike asked.

“Believe me,” Harvey replied with raised eyebrows. “There won´t be. And now hush, I have important things to do.” Staring unbelievingly at Harvey, Mike slowly retreated back until he stood on the hallway. Looking down on the papers, several problems suddenly sprung to his mind. First and foremost, the fact that he didn’t have any working space yet where he could go over the essays in peace.

“Are you Mike Ross?” came the question from behind Mike – he wondered why this situation had become the standard for him over the last few days. Mike turned around and was caught in the gaze of a brunette who looked like she would love to be anywhere but here. Her arms were folded and her index finger tapped impatiently on her forearm as she waited for Mike to deny or confirm her question.

“Y-yes?” Mike answered, more question than answer. The brunette´s perfect manicured eyebrows rose a few centimetres.

“Great,” the woman replied unenthusiastically. “I´m Rachel. Donna ordered me to be your guide for today, because she knew that Professor Specter wouldn’t do it. Now, follow me and I´ll show you everything.”

“Wow,” Mike said thunderstruck. “You´re awesome.”

“Good. You hit on me. We can get it out of the way that I am not interested,” Rachel retorted with bored expression.

“I´m sorry, I-, I wasn’t hitting on you –“ Mike spluttered.

“Trust me,” Rachel explained. “I've given dozens of these and, without fail, whatever new hotshot it is thinks that because I'm just a student who is by chance also Donna´s assistant, that I will somehow be blown away by his new position as Teaching Assistant. Let me assure you, I won't.”

“I was,” Mike uttered as if a very important revelation just had taken place.

“Mh-hm,” Rachel hummed.

“I was hitting on you,” Mike repeated and he felt somehow bad. It was just his normal response to attractive people. He didn’t love Juliette, but she didn’t deserve it that he would go chase after the next best skirt the moment he turned around.

“You were,” Rachel commented, completely oblivious to Mike´s inner turmoil. She handed Mike a notepad and a pen and continued: “Take notes. I´m not gonna repeat myself.” Then she walked away without bothering to wait for Mike.

“The faculty operates on a chain of command model,” Rachel started to explain when Mike finally caught up with her. “Harvey is your commanding officer, however, Louis Litt, he oversees all the TAs, so you´ll answer to him.”

“And what do you think about Harvey?” Mike asked, genuinely curious about Rachel´s opinion of the man. Rachel just gave Mike a ‘really’ look.

“People are in awe of him,” she said as she led him down the hallway. “While he still was a lawyer it was said that he was the best closer there is, but I have little contact with him, so I don’t know.”

“What about Louis Litt?” Mike continued prodding, evading a group of students that were walking down the hallway, laughing and cheering at each other. Rachel stopped and Mike would have nearly run into her, but caught himself just in time.

“Let´s just continue with our tour, shall we?” she asked and her smile was all teeth. Mike just nodded, his voice temporarily leaving him. Rachel turned around and threw open the doors leading to a spacious room with was filled with cubicles behind which others were furiously working. Rachel took the aisle in the middle until they stood in front of an empty cubicle.

“And, finally, this is where you´ll live,” she said and made a grand flourish gesture towards the conception.

“Wow,” Mike replied unenthusiastically. Nevertheless, he gladly put all the papers on the desk and breathed out in relief when he could feel the blood flooding back into his arms. Rachel, though, eyed the still empty notebook and glared at him.

“I gave you that for a reason,” she said. “You haven’t taken a single note.”

“It´s because –“ Mike was about to say that he couldn’t have taken notes anyway, with Harvey´s papers in his arms, but Rachel didn’t allow him to finish his sentence.

“Because you were too busy ogling me to listen to a word I´ve said?” Now Mike was a little bit angry. He was not that shallow that he would neglect his work ethics over some pretty piece of skin. Rachel may think that she was the best that someone like him had seen in his whole life, but Mike could count up a few others that played way above Rachel´s league.

“Professor´s offices anchor the wings. 5th floor research, six is security. All work gets documented, even if it´s finding an address. I answer to Harvey and Louis Litt, judging by the way you responded to my questions, I should admire Harvey and fear Louis. You have been here for two years and just because I outrank you doesn’t mean I have the authority to command your services.”

“You know what nobody likes?” Rachel asked with pursed lips. “Nobody likes a show-off.”

“You used the word ogling, I mean –“ before he could even finish his sentence, Rachel had left him just standing there and exited the room. Mike let out a sigh, set down and started the work that Harvey had set him up to.

* * *

 

Harvey was talking to Donna when Mike popped his head between them.

“Donna can you show me how to fill out this official grade documentation?” he asked with wide eyes. Donna just stared back at him, unimpressed.

“Absolutely,” her voice dripped with sarcasm. “And after that you want me to show you how to wipe your ass?” Harvey snorted.

“It´s funny, because you should already know how to do both of these things.”

“Ah, yeah, that´s hilarious,” Mike retorted. “How should I already know that?”

“Because you´re a student,” Harvey started to explain in a voice that you would use when talking to a little child. “And as a student you receive those cards from your professors, so you should be able to fill them out, concluding what goes where from your own cards.” Mike just sighed and walked back to his cubicle.

* * *

 

“Mike, where are you going?” Mike turned around to answer Rachel´s question.

“Um, it´s 6.30,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I´m going home.” Rachel just looked at him like he had lost his mind and started laughing.

“Okay, what´s so funny?” Mike wanted to know.

“You´re a rookie TA,” Rachel replied. “If you go home before nine on your first week, you´re not gonna make it through your first month.” Mike sighed.

“And Louis Litt wants to see you.”

* * *

 

Mike´s grandmother had always taught him to not judge people after their appearance, but it was really difficult not to judge the bald man sitting across from him while he stared at Mike for an uncomfortable amount of time. Louis was sending out such creepy vibes that Mike feared the man was about to do something very inappropriate to him if someone didn’t break the ice very soon. Finally, Louis broke the awkward silence.

“I know you had orientation from Rachel,” he started and Mike wondered where this was supposed to be going. “But I wanted to give you a special welcome from me. Amongst other things, I´m sort of the disciplinarian of the TAs.” It was at this moment that someone knocked at the office door and entered the room. It was a guy around Mike´s age, with sandy blond hair, lithe built and a smile that would make every grandmother swoon.

“You wanted to see me?” the guy asked.

“Yes, Gary, please come in,” Louis replied and beckoned for the other to come nearer. “Mike, this is Gary Lipski. Gary´s one of our most promising associates from last year.” Mike stood up and shook Gary´s hand. “Hi.”

“Gary, Ms Pearson wanted me to ask, have you completed grading the tests from Petrenko´s lecture?” Louis demanded to know and his eyes took on a gleeful glint.

“Oh,” Gary stuttered. “Well, my brother was in over the weekend so I didn’t really get to it.”

“I mean, Gary, come on,” Louis said and his smile was downright scary. “This is, like, the third time I´ve had to ask.”

“I´ll get right on it!” Gary exclaimed with forced enthusiasm.

“Don´t bother, you´re fired,” Louis said while carefully looking at his nails.

“What?” Gary screeched. “Y-y-you can´t fire me!”

“Oh, yes, I can,” Louis replied seriously. “And I just did. Go pack up your things. And don’t you ever show your face in this place again.” Gary hung his head and Mike believed to hear some supressed sobs as the man made his way out of the room. When the door locked behind, Louis instantly turned back towards Mike who had to supress the urge to squirm under Louis scrutiny.

“See,” Louis began. “I arranged for you to see that because we offer students the opportunity for advancement, but in return we expect results. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yeah,” Mike replied a little bit confused.

“Great,” Louis beamed at him. “Welcome to the Law Faculty.” An awkward silence ensued. “Feel free to go back to work.”

* * *

 

When Mike came home, he did so physically and emotionally exhausted. He hadn’t bothered to go back to his room on campus, instead choosing to stay the night with his grandmother. The whole day he had done nothing but correcting works. Every time he had finished with a task Harvey or Louis would have another for him until it felt like his whole hand would fall off if he wrote another word. But when someone from HR had given him his contract and Mike had seen the sum he would make while working as TA those worries had become less important. The money would enable him to continue studying while paying for Juliette and their baby.

“Juliette called,” his grandmother shouted from downstairs. “She´ll probably move in this week. Said she would tell her parents, so that she would get a clean break at least.” Mike felt bad for Juliette whose whole life had been so derailed, but he just couldn’t manage more than something akin to a grunt to confirm that he had understood what his grandmother had told him.

As Mike laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling of his childhood room, Mike knew – with absolute certainty – that his life would irrevocably change. This were the final notes of his life as he had known it. He was to become father! In nine months there would be a human being in existence that would depend completely on him to survive. He would protect it, raise it and mould it and others would judge if he had done right by his own child.

Fear clamped down on Mike´s heart as the enormity of the task ahead finally dawned on him. This wasn’t something he could weasel his way out. That was responsibility and commitment for many years to come.

 _What if I´m not good enough?_ A traitorous voice whispered in his mind. _What if I won´t be a good father?_ Mike tried to quell such thoughts, but they would creep upon him in his moments of contemplation. But then he would think about his parents and about his grandmother and though that with those people as role models he couldn’t mess this up as badly as he sometimes thought he would.

* * *

 

**Month 2**

* * *

 

 

“So you are the one that has Harvey singing your praises all over the place?” Mike looked up from the work he was currently doing and looked straight at Jessica Pearson who was regarding him with a guarded but curious expression. Over the last few weeks he had heard many things about the woman from many different sources. Yet, there was one thing all these sources completely agreed on: You did not mess with Jessica Pearson if you wanted to have a future free of pain and humiliation.

“Harvey can sing?” was the first thing that came out of Mike´s mouth and he could slap himself for saying something so stupid to Jessica. Harvey could probably sing, though. The man could do everything as far as Mike knew. It was ridiculous but also kind of awe-inspiring.

Jessica just raised one of her perfect made eyebrows at him.

“I´m sure he can,” she drawled. “So, what makes you so special?”

“My twinkish charm,” Mike responded again without thinking. Yep, that first impression went down the drain pretty fast.

“And maybe because I get done twice as much work as any other TA,” Mike added.

“Don’t lie to me,” Jessica replied. “Harvey said it were four.” And with a knowing smirk she turned around, leaving a stunned Mike in her wake and walked back to where she had come. She was already out of the door when Mike regained his composure and shouted after her: “He really said that?”

He never got the answer to that question.

* * *

 

“I hate evolution,” Mike heard Juliette curse behind the closed bathroom door as she vomited into the toilet. “And God as well…whoever is responsible for making me suffer through this.” Suddenly Mike was really glad that he wasn’t included in that listing. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.

“Why can´t we just hatch babies?” Juliette asked as she opened the bathroom door, looking exhausted with dark circles under her eyes and her hair untamed and looking like she just had woken up.

“Because human babies are too big to be hatched as it would kill the mother to produce enough material to form an egg,” Mike answered and Juliette just looked at him fondly. “Besides, Grammy says that the morning sickness won´t last long.” Mike had given up his room on campus in order to better take care of her and Grammy. Besides, it did save him a lot of money.

“I sure hope,” Juliette replied sourly. “I can´t believe that there are women out there who go through this willingly.” Mike´s smile faltered as he heard those words. Maybe their moments of bantering were covering it up, but the crux of the matter was that Juliette was only here because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Mike hadn’t asked when she had moved in, but the resounding bang with which Juliette had closed the door on that day was more than enough to answer how her talk with her parents had gone. Juliette was here because she couldn’t bring herself to abort the baby and all her other friends had abandoned her.

Mike had yet to ask her how she planned to proceed when the baby was finally there. If she wanted to become a part of its life or if she wanted to wash her hands off it. He hoped that she would decide for the former. Mike didn’t want his child to grow up without really knowing its mother. That was no life. But he didn’t dare to ask Juliette that particular question out of fear for what she would answer. So Mike just choose to ignore those question nagging at the back of his mind.

Ignoring the voice in his head that warned him of just pushing those question away, Mike followed Juliette downstairs. Ignoring had been always easier.

* * *

 

“How´s the mother of your spawn doing?” Harvey asked as Mike handed over the papers the other man had given him the day before.

“That´s rude,” Mike commented without heat. “Let me tell you, mini-me will be the most precious baby the world has ever seen.” Harvey just rolled his eyes.

“Firstly,” he spoke up, “it is never cool to call your child ‘mini-me’ – what are you, twelve? Wait, don’t answer that. Secondly –“ Harvey held up another finger. “- children aren’t sweet. They are little machines of terror. Crying, wailing, stinking – a baby spells the end of everything fun-related in your life.”

“Harsh words from a harsh man,” Mike intoned solemnly.

“He´s just jealous that he hasn’t got one himself,” Donna commented from the doorway. “He´d always dress it in mini-three-piece-suits and gel its hair back.” Mike grinned at the notion of Harvey as father.

“And he would scare it with pictures of Louis,” Mike added his two cents. Donna nodded enthusiastically.

“If you´re finished talking about hypothetical things that will never ever happen and undermining my authority…”Harvey began, but was interrupted by Donna.

“Undermining your authority?” she repeated incredulously. “My, my, Harvey, now you´re taking out the big guns.”  Harvey just shot her an irritated glare. Donna held up her arms in mock-surrender.

“Don´t you two have any work to do?” Harvey demanded to know. “I know for certain that _you_ –“ he pointed his finger accusingly at Mike. “- have enough work to last you at least a week. And _you_ –“he turned around to face Donna, his face full of determination, but then he just waved his hand. “-just continue doing whatever you were doing before you ganged up on me.”

Before Mike went back to his cubicle, he heard Donna whispering after him: “You don’t really need a whole week for all the stuff he gave you?” Mike just nodded, barely noticeable.

* * *

 

**Month 3**

* * *

 

“What about a little wager?” Louis sneered at Harvey as if his very existence was an offense to his delicate sensibilities. Which – knowing Louis – was probably true, at least for him. Harvey sighed and put away the paper he was currently looking over for mistakes. Knowing Mike there probably weren’t any, but Jessica would have his hide if she knew that he neglected his duty as professor.

“What wager?” Harvey knew that he shouldn’t ask. It came from Louis and when something comes from Louis you ignore it, or even better, you destroy it. But the word ‘wager’ had woken his competitive streak and he couldn’t just ignore Louis when it could be seen as weakness. Harvey shuddered inwardly. No, Louis had to be shown who was the better one here.

“Your boytoy against the Introduction to Law lecture,” Louis replied and Harvey´s face darkened when he heard the term Louis was coining Mike with. It was disrespectful and not worthy of a professor. “You´ll ask one question about Federal European Law and if the students can´t answer it, I´ll take over the Introduction to Law lecture for the rest of the semester. If someone can, then I´ll get Ross for three weeks.”

Harvey thought about it for a moment. There was no snowball´s chance in hell that one of the first semesters would be able to answer his questions. Most of them couldn’t even pinpoint every state on a map of the US, so no way that they knew anything about European law. And he really did hate the ItL lecture.

“One week,” Harvey said and the pace with which Louis agreed should have made him suspicious, but Harvey was already sure of his win, so he didn’t pay it any heed.

* * *

 

When the students finally settled down, Harvey took his place in front of them and began the lecture. It was boring and repetitive, seeing as it was always the same content every year. Harvey could immediately see which student was listening, who was surfing on Facebook and who was just here because his parents were paying for college. It was truly pathetic. Only about thirty percent of the people who were now sitting in front of him would even be here coming term.

“Now, before we end this lecture,” Harvey began, which made every student suddenly paying attention again. “I´ll have one question for you.” He paused for dramatic purpose. “What did the European Court of Justice decided on the matter of the payment of disability benefits in the Union?”

“That it can´t be denied based on the recipient living in another member state as the Court judged when Halina Nerkowska sued Zakład Ubezpieczeń Społecznych Oddział w Koszalinie,” a blonde girl in the first row answered.

“What´s your name?” Harvey demanded to know.

“Katrina Bennett,” the blonde answered, obviously intimidated by Harvey´s forceful tone.

“Thank you,” Harvey said and his smile was all teeth. “You just cost me my TA for a week.”

* * *

 

“You knew that there was one student who could answer my question,” Harvey accused a gleeful smirking Louis after the lecture.

“You have no evidence,” Louis smirked and that was all the proof Harvey needed. “Now I´ll get Ross for the whole week.” If Harvey wasn’t so angry at Louis he would find the obsession with which Louis went after Mike disturbing, but currently he was trying very hard to hold himself back from simply strangulating Louis until his rat-face was red like a tomato.

“Enjoy him,” he bit out instead. And because he was a vindictive son of a bitch, he added: “After all, he´s already better than you.”

* * *

 

“You lost me to Louis?!” Mike stormed into Harvey´s office with an incredulous expression on his face. It seemed that Louis had told him of the little wager he had lost.

“It was a setup,” Harvey gritted. Why was Mike so angry at him?

“Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better,” Mike shoot back sarcastically. “What was the stake?”

“The Introduction to Law lecture,” Harvey replied.

“Wow,” Mike exclaimed incredulously. “I really hope that it was worth it.”

“Watch your tone,” Harvey bit back.

“Or what? I´m Louis’ now, after you bet me away like I was a…a thing,” Mike responded angrily and somehow that made Harvey even angrier.

“I´m your boss,” he said. “And I can do with you whatever the hell I want as long as it is within the law. And if I offer you working time for Louis just to amuse myself, then I´ll do it.” Mike just gave him one look – equally hurt and angry – and stormed out of his office.

* * *

 

Working for Louis was like personal serfdom, Mike thought as he made another hundred copies of some worksheet for one of the man´s lectures. The rat-like man made him do everything that he could without violating the university´s by-laws. Mike was so unchallenged that he considered himself in serious danger of dying of boredom. At least working for Harvey had been more exciting.

But Harvey had bet him away and that stung. Mike had thought that Harvey saw in him more than a means to an end. They had a cordial working relationship and Mike learned so much from the older professor. But then he did something like that and Mike felt like he had never really known Harvey at all. And those hurtful words at the end…

“Mike?” he looked up to see Donna striding towards where he was sitting, doing nothing but watching a copier at work.

“Are you here to defend Harvey to me?” Mike asked worn and the instant guilt that flashed over Donna´s voice did really nothing to lighten his mood.

“No, I´m not,” Donna replied evenly. “Maybe I was at the beginning, but I don´t see why I should mediate between the two of you. I´m just here to ask of you to hear me out.” Mike made a gesture to indicate to her that she was free to continue.

“Harvey´s really bad at showing his feelings,” Donna started and pointedly ignored Mike´s snore. “But he cares about you.”

“If he cared he wouldn’t have bet me like a thing,” Mike shot back. That particular fact still rankled him.

“I did say he was bad at this whole feeling thing,” Donna said. “But in the whole time I´ve known him – and believe me that is a very long time – he has never taken another under his wing like he did with you. Harvey and Louis have a long and awkward history with each other, so maybe in the heat of the moment he forgot that you weren’t just his trump card, but someone who looked for him for guidance and protection, but I promise you, right now he´s sitting in his office angsting over the fact that he let you down.”

“Harvey doesn’t seem to be the type to angst about anything,” Mike commented, but all of his anger and resentment had somehow evaporated during Donna´s speech.

“Just don’t shoot him down when he comes grovelling,” Donna said with a wink. With that said, she left Mike sitting there, contemplating over what she had just said.

* * *

 

It had only been three days of the seven and yet Harvey was ready to explode at the next show of incompetence he would be forced to witness. He had to make do with the clearly inferior TAs of Louis’, but there wasn’t a single one of them who possessed at least a modicum of intelligence.

“Why is it so difficult to comprehend that instead of just marking the mistakes I want the correct paragraphs and precedents cited?” he gritted at the unlucky TA who had delivered the sub-par work to him.

“But…but, Professor Specter, that takes ages to compile,” the TA – Kyle, Connor; Harvey really didn’t remember and he also didn’t care – whined. That was another thing that Harvey found frustratingly annoying – even though he would never admit it out loud: The constant respectful, nearly bordering on worshipping, way everyone treated him. Mike had never done that. Mike also understood every of his many references.

The more he thought about it, the more the matter was settled in Harvey´s mind: He needed to get Mike back. He shouldn’t have lost him in the first place.

Decision made, Harvey shooed the annoying TA away and strode out of his office.

“Going to get Mike back?” Donna, who was walking past him, holding a stack of papers, asked. “It was about time.” Then she added: “I hope you have a proper apology ready.” Harvey turned around to face his secretary.

“Why should I apologize?” he frowned. Donna just looked like she was ready to hit him with the papers.

“Harvey, after all these years your lack of emotional awareness shouldn’t surprise me anymore, yet it does every time,” she said.

“That boy had complete trust in you, that – as long as he would stay loyal to you – you would protect him,” she lectured him. “And the first chance you got, you bet him away like he didn’t matter. What are you always so fond of saying? ‘Loyalty is a two-way street. If I demand it of you, you´ll get it from me’, or something like that? Well, guess what? You just run Mike off the street. Think about that before you try to get him back.” And with those parting words she threw her hair over her shoulder and strode away, leaving behind a shell-shocked Harvey Specter.

He hadn’t really thought about it like that. For him what he had done was just normal part of the little office war between himself and Louis. Harvey hadn’t even considered what it may look like to Mike, who had been here only three months. Fuck, it must have really looked like Harvey had taken all of Mike´s loyalty and trashed it right in front of his eyes.

Maybe, Harvey thought, he should try to apologize…at least a little bit. Not so much that he would lose face in the office, but enough that Mike would know he was sincere. Yeah, he would do that.

* * *

 

Mike was listening to one of Louis’ tirades. He didn’t know what he had done to set the man off, but now they were in a ten-minute treatise about why Louis was obviously the better Professor than Harvey and that his students would continue to become the next generation of leaders that would influence the future of the United States.

Inwardly Mike groaned and wondered what he had done to catch Louis attention. Oh yes, he had agreed to become Harvey´s TA and that had been enough for the other man. Midway through Louis rant, they were interrupted by the door suddenly opening and Harvey walking in like he owned the place.

“Harvey, what are you doing here?” Louis sneered at the other man. “I´m currently teaching Mike why it was a poor choice to stick with you instead of me.”

“Then it should have been the shortest talk ever to be held in the history of mankind as there are no reason why that would be true,” Harvey shot right back to a Louis who was continuing to get redder and redder. It certainly did look unhealthy.

“As to why I´m here?” Harvey continued. “I´m here to get Mike back.”

“You can´t!” Louis exclaimed indignantly. “I´ve won the bet and now he´s mine for the week.”

“See, that´s where you are wrong,” Harvey said and Mike knew the man long enough to recognize that particular smirk. Harvey had something that would win him this argument. “I looked for a ‘Katrina Bennett’ in the enrolment list for the lecture and guess whose name wasn’t there? Instead she´s one of your third semesters. You planted her in my course. That makes our bet null and void.” Louis grinded his teeth, but didn’t say anything to deny Harvey´s accusations.

“C´mon, Mike, let´s get out of here,” Harvey said to him and Mike who didn’t want to have this talk in front of Louis followed him without question.

“I owe you an apology,” was the first thing Harvey said after he closed the door of his office. Mike, who at this moment was ready to simply blow him off, gaped like a fish without water at this unexpected turn of events.

“What?” he asked bewildered after he found his voice again.

“I won´t repeat myself again,” Harvey replied. “But I´ve recently become aware that with betting you away I´ve neglected my duties towards you. It won´t happen again.”

“Donna talked to you, didn’t she?” Mike asked, more amused than angry now. Harvey just shot him a glare.

“I would have come to that realization as well,” he defended himself.

“In a few years maybe,” Mike teased and he could see the tension ease out of Harvey´s stance.

“So we´re okay again?”

“Yeah,” Mike nodded. “We are.”

“It´s good to have you back where you belong.” And in that moment the smile Harvey send Mike was the most beautiful he had ever seen.

* * *

 

**Month 4**

* * *

 

Mike knew that Harvey could be hard on people sometimes, bordering on mean. Nevertheless, it took him completely by surprise when Rachel ran out of Harvey´s office with tears streaming down her face.

“Can I help you?” Mike asked, trying to be helpful, but the brunette just stormed past him. Faced with such odd behaviour, Mike scratched the back of his head and entered Harvey´s office.

“Why did Rachel run out of your office crying?” he asked of the older man who just smirked.

“Because she thought that she could get special treatment,” he replied.

“She didn’t look like someone who would demand special treatment,” Mike mused.

“Well, she did,” was Harvey´s reply. “Asked if she could retake a test, because she suffered severe anxiety while she wrote it the last time. That´s just an excuse for weak people. How do you think someone like that survives in the world out there? ‘Excuse me, Your Honour, but could we redo the hearing? I had an anxiety attack the last time.’.” He obviously wanted Mike to join in on the fun, but Mike wasn’t really in the mood for that.

“Wow, that´s really dickish of you,” he said instead and glared at Harvey.

“If your heart is bleeding over her,” Harvey shot back much more aggressively, “then why don’t you go and hold her hand? Maybe then she will make it through the test.”

“I will do that,” Mike shouted. “Just to show you that caring isn´t a weakness to be afraid of.” Harvey just harrumphed and Mike, who suddenly couldn’t stand to look at the other man´s face any longer, turned on his heels and walked out of the door.

“Don’t you think that was a little too harsh?” came the question from Donna, who entered Harvey´s office before the door could close as the blonde rushed away.  Harvey looked up to his red-haired secretary and sighed.

“Donna, I´m just preparing both of them for the real world out there,” he reasoned. “And neither crying and citing anxiety attacks, nor caring about other people than you will give you an advantage out there.”

“I see,” Donna mused. “Caring is a weakness? Is that why you gave Mike this job? Because you didn’t care?” Harvey didn’t look Donna in the eyes. When he heard the rustling of her dress and the soft click of the door closing, he let out his breath and continued working.

Donna´s words didn’t haunt him. No, they didn’t.

* * *

 

Mike didn’t need to search long for Rachel who had been running out of Harvey´s office. He found her sitting in a corner he knew only a few students knew of and where the risk of being discovered was pretty low. As he approached her she was trying to compose herself, reapplying her make-up with only the occasional sniffle interrupting the procedure. When she noticed him, she looked at him with wide eyes.

“Why are you here? Did he send you?” Mike didn’t need to ask who she meant with that, going by the disgusted expression that flashed shortly over her face.

“I am,” he just replied. “And he didn’t send me. I came here of my own free will.” Mike send her a smile, but she just continued looking at him coolly. Mike cleared his throat and continued. “I wanted to offer my help to you…for the test.”

“Why?” she demanded to know, her voice tinted with suspicion.

“Do you want to become a lawyer?” Mike asked, temporarily ignoring her question.

“It´s my biggest dream,” the girl hiccupped. “Since I´ve been a little girl.”

“And I don’t think that test anxiety should stop your dream from coming true,” Mike replied. He didn’t think it´d be wise to mention that she was his project to show Harvey that everybody deserved a second chance and that caring wasn’t a disadvantage.

“You would really help me?” the girl asked again, this time more hopeful. Mike nodded.

“Yes, I would,” he said.

“But that didn’t solve my problem that Professor Specter won´t let me retake the test,” she added and her voice was again sad.

“Allow me to handle that little problem,” Mike replied. He had exactly the right plan in mind.

* * *

 

“I will help Rachel pass your test!” Mike announced the next day when he and Harvey met on the hallway.

“How you gonna do that?” Harvey asked with a smirk. “I didn’t allow for her to retake the test.”

“But you will,” Mike shot back with an equally wide smirk.

“And why´s that?” Harvey raised an eyebrow.

“Because,” Mike began and leaned closer. “You´re never one to let a good bet go.”

“So you bet that you can get Rachel Zane – the notoriously anxious Rachel Zane – through my test?” Harvey asked for clarification. “And what do I get when I win?”

“You mean _if_ you win?” Mike corrected him. “Then I´ll do the correcting of all the essays Ms Pearson forbid you to hand off to me.” Mike knew that he had Harvey with that. Harvey hated to correct that particular essays with passion; the whole reason why Ms Pearson had forbidden him from giving them to Mike – to keep Harvey´s “inflated ego from blowing up the whole law faculty”.

“And if I win,” Mike continued. “You´ll have to go down on your knees in front of Louis and confess that you always thought of him as superior – with at least three witnesses around.” Mike added as an afterthought.

“That´s pretty juvenile,” Harvey replied. “But what do I expect from someone wearing those hideous skinny ties.”

“Afraid to lose?” Mike challenged Harvey.

“Never,” Harvey shot right back. “Zane can take the test again in two weeks. I´ll start racking up the essays right away, so that you have enough material to last you a few sleepless nights.” He saluted Mike and swaggered off.

“You wished!” Mike shouted after him, which earned him a few glances from some students that were passing by, but Mike ignored them.

* * *

 

“Relax, Mike,” Juliette said to him while rolling her eyes. “It´s just an ultrasonic testing. Nothing live-changing.” They sat in the waiting room of the physician they had chosen – or rather Juliette had chosen (“He had excellent online reviews.”), which earned them a few confused or curious looks from the few other people that were sitting and waiting around the room.

“It´s the first time we´ll see our baby,” Mike said giddily. “I think that counts as life-changing.” He rubbed his hands against each other. “Do you think everything´s gonna be alright?”

“Mike, you worry more than I and I´m the one who carries the baby in her belly,” Juliette replied with a small smile on her lips. “And I don’t think that anything harmful has occurred since you last asked, what was it, like three minutes ago.” When she saw Mike tensing she added: “Relax, everything´s gonna be fine.”

“Ross?” a doctor´s assistant had opened the door and called their name. Juliette had wanted that they would use his name for all their dealings, so that her parents couldn’t trace her via her name. Mike had happily obliged. He knew that he didn’t love Juliette and that she didn’t love him, but this made them look a little bit more like a real family.

“Please follow me,” the elderly assistant said and led them into one of the empty rooms.

They were greeted by a man well above the forty. His chestnut-brown hair had the first grey streaks and the laughing lines around his eyes and mouth wouldn’t vanish when he wasn’t laughing. Nevertheless, he excluded the youthful aura of someone who loved doing his jobs and his bright smile and firm handshake mad him instant likeable in Mike´s eyes. Maybe, in the future, he should heed online reviews more when he was searching for a new physician.

“So, here they are, the proud parents,” the doctor greeted them, the smile never leaving his face. “I´m Doctor Lector and as I´ve read here” – he held up a chart that previously had been lying on the desk next to the man – “you´re here for your first ultrasonic testing?”

“Yes, I am,” Juliette answered with an easy-going smile as well.

“Well, then just lay down here,” Lector said and indicated towards the medical chair that was filling half the room. “The father can take the seat on the left.” Both Mike and Juliette sat down where Lector had said them to.

“I´ll lift up your blouse now and spread some of this gel over your belly,” Lector explained as he opened up the bottle. “It will feel cold and maybe a little bit uncomfortable, but it isn´t harmful in any way.” He poured some of the gel on Juliette´s belly. She flinched, but had her bearings soon under control again.

“Now, let´s have a look at the little one,” Lector said and put the ultrasonic sensor on Juliette´s skin. Mike was holding his breath now. For him this was a monumental moment; the first time he would lay his eyes upon the little life he had helped to create.

The screen showed nothing but varying shades of grey and black. For all Mike knew it could also be the surface of a faraway planet, not their baby. The shades moved around in tact with Juliette´s beating heart, creating new shapes and patterns every few seconds. It was mesmerizing to watch and Mike found himself staring at the screen in wonder.

“It does that do, doesn't it?” Mike’s musings were interrupted by Lector, who was watching him with fondness sparkling in his eyes. “I still remember the first time I saw my son in that screen.” He moved the sensor around and the picture changed.

“Ah, there it is,” he announced. “Here is your child.” He indicated at some point on the screen that was marginally darker than the rest of its surroundings. It really didn't look like a baby, Mike supposed. And yet he couldn't help but feel happy at the thought that this was soon to be his child.

“Do you want to know the gender?” Lector asked them.

Mike and Juliette gave him their answer.

* * *

 

**Month 5**

* * *

 

Mike was woken up by the insistent ringing of his mobile. Groaning he lifted his head from his pillow and went searching for the annoying little device that had to lay somewhere around here.

“Mike,” Donna greeted him curtly after he´d finally found the smartphone underneath some fresh underwear. How it got there he had no clue.

“Whazzup,” Mike mumbled into the phone, still sleepy.

“Harvey just called,” Donna said and suddenly Mike was completely awake. Hearing Harvey´s name did that to him. “He just cancelled every appointment for the day.”

“What?” Mike cried out and nearly fell off his bed. “Harvey never cancels an appointment!”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Donna replied in her ‘duh’ voice. “I just called you to congratulate you to your first free day.” The last thing was added in a mock-cheerful voice. Mike narrowed his eyes.

“Wait,” he said. “You wouldn’t have called me for something like that. The secretariat would have done it. So there´s something you want from me.”

“So you did learn something while working here,” Donna praised him, but then her voice turned serious again. “Listen, Harvey has taken the day off. Harvey never takes a day off, there must be a reason, but he won´t tell me why. So, you will go to him and find out.”

“There are several fatal flaws in your logic,” Mike shot back. “Firstly, I´ve never been at Harvey´s and secondly, what makes you think he´d want to see me when he doesn’t even want to see you?”

“Believe me,” Donna replied and Mike could practically hear her smirk through the line. “He´ll let you in.”

* * *

 

Mike didn’t know how exactly, but somehow he was standing in front of the building Harvey was living in.

Donna truly was terrifying.

He walked through the glass doors and entered a wide and open hall where a concierge was sitting behind a reception, browsing through the local newspaper with a bored expression. When he saw Mike, he put the newspaper aside and mustered him critically.

“You´re the one Ms Paulsen announced?” he demanded to know.

“Donna announced me?” Mike asked incredulously. “Eh, yes, that would be me, Mike Ross.”

“Elevator to the left, highest floor,” the guard said and pointed at aforementioned elevator. Mike nodded at him and made his way through the hall.

* * *

 

Mike was expecting many things when the door to Harvey´s apartment opened, but a Harvey in jogging pants and casual t-shirt was none of them. No that it didn’t suit Harvey – the man could wear a paper towel and still look like he climbed out of Men´s Health – but it was unusual for the man.

“What are you doing here?” Harvey gritted through his teeth and – yeah – maybe Mike should have stood up to Donna.

“Donna,” was Mike´s short reply.

“Why would she send you?” Harvey demanded to know.

“That´s what I asked myself as well,” Mike replied with a shrug. The he noticed that not everything seemed well with Harvey. His posture was slouched, the lines in his face deeper, his hair unkempt and his eyes looked tired and haggard.

“Is everything…alright?” Mike asked hesitantly. He knew that Harvey valued his privacy very much and was not very keen on letting other people partake in his private life. Hell, until now Mike hadn’t even known where the man he spent most of his time with lived.

Harvey seemed to be ready to just shot the door in his face, but then every bit of tension seemed to just ebb out of his body.

“Come in,” he commanded in tired voice and Mike just did as he was told and closed the door behind him. There was something significant about this moment. It felt to Mike as if he just had crossed a border – not only the one of Harvey´s threshold – but one in their relationship as well. Until now the time when they had interacted with each other had been in their professional capacity, but now Mike had entered the most private and personal space Harvey had and he didn’t know if that was something good or something bad.

He walked through a long hallway – the right wall bare, but for a few generic pictures of nondescript cities and beaches – which left side was completely made out of glass which gave way for a breath-taking view over the city.

Yet as Mike followed Harvey into his living room he found the flat lacking. There wasn’t anything personal about it. It looked like Harvey had simply bought everything from a catalogue and never actually bothered to move his own things in. As if he was ready to move out and walk away at a moment´s notice.

“Scotch?” Harvey asked as they sat down on his spacious leather couches. Mike just shook his head. Silence penetrated the atmosphere around them. Mike had read the term ‘deafening silence’, but he had never thought that he would one day experience it. It was as if a pressure had been lain upon his shoulders, a crescendo of nothingness around him as he waited for time to continue moving while Harvey just stared at his glass.

“My mother died today,” Harvey said and it rung through the room like a bomb had just exploded. Mike opened his mouth to pay his condolences – _useless drivel, senseless, unnecessary_ – but Harvey interrupted him.

“Don´t,” he said. “Just don’t.” Mike closed his mouth again.

“I hated her,” Harvey continued. “I hated her since the day she left my dad – since she left us. And now she´s just gone. Just like that.” He made a gesture with his hand. Mike´s whole body was tense. He feared what would happen if he interrupted Harvey – if he tore him out of the mood he was currently in. Just let him talk. “She was drunk. Broke her neck when she fell down the stairs.” Another pause. “So why does it feel like the world suddenly turned grey?”

Mike didn’t really know what to say. For him his parents – both his mother and his father – had been the most important persons in his life and losing them had felt like he´d lost part of his soul; of his very being. He didn’t feel like he was the person that should talk to Harvey, but on the other hand he didn’t want anyone else to be here.

“You can´t rationalize emotions,” he just said. Harvey looked up from his glass of scotch and Mike had to fight the urge to squirm under the other man´s heavy gaze. “Trust me, I tried.” Mike swallowed hard. What he was about to confess, he had never told another living soul, not even his own grandmother – especially his grandmother. But seeing Harvey in a state such as this somehow compelled him to open up to the older man and confess to him what no other human being had ever heard before.

“Sometimes, I walk along the street and I see something that sets me off,” Mike started. “Mundane things, normal things, like a bird my mother used to like or a street musician playing a song my dad used to play as well – and I feel like the whole world suddenly turned on me. Like, y´know, there´s a sudden pressure that threatens to squash me like a bug, like I´m suffocating on fresh air.” A short pause. “And, rationally I know that they shouldn’t affect me like this anymore. That they´re dead and won´t coming back ever again. But try tell this your heart, when it feels like it is about to burst with melancholy and sadness. It doesn’t work.”

“So, maybe you hated your mother,” Mike continued. “I´m not one to judge. But still…she was your mother. The one who gave live to you, the one who raised you with her love – and that is something that will never go away. Never. At least that´s what I think. So maybe – just for a short moment – you can stop hating the woman that she became and mourn the woman that she once was.”  

“Did you ever considered going into psychology?” Harvey attempted to joke, but his weary gaze and his cracking voice betrayed his inner turmoil.

“No,” Mike replied. “I don’t think I could handle it. I´m not strong enough.”

“That´s not true,” Harvey shot back heatedly and something warm blossomed with Mike at Harvey´s vehement defence. “You work your ass off to offer something to your unborn child and its mother, whom you like but not love. It takes much strength to do that.”

“Wow, the great Harvey Specter complimenting me,” Mike joked. “I should write that down in my calendar.”

“You bet you should,” Harvey mumbled. “You won´t hear it again.” He looked at his glass in dismay. “It´s the stupid alcohol.” He took another sip. “Will you stay for a while?”

“Yes,” Mike replied. “I think I will.” After all, what were friends for, if not for helping each other in times of need. And Mike liked to think that Harvey and he were friends.

* * *

 

“I know that you know the answer, Rachel,” Mike coaxed the brunette as her grip around her pen went more rigid the more she stared at the test sheet in front of her. This was their forth meeting and Mike could already say that he liked the girl. She was smart, confident and self-confident – when it wasn’t about a test – and funny to talk to. Every time they had met she had brought something different to eat and Mike´s food palate had been significantly broadened with the addition of several specialities from all around the world that even he with his eidetic memory couldn’t pronounce correctly.

“It´s just…just,” Rachel started and huffed frustrated. “I want to go for an answer, but then I think ‘What if it´s a trick question?’ and then I doubt myself so long until I just can´t answer even the simplest questions.” She sighed.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Mike stage-whispered. Rachel nodded furiously.

“Harvey never uses trick questions,” Mike said. “I know, I know, he says he does and he appears like someone who would, but I´ve seen so many of his test that I can clearly state that there are no trick questions. Hellish difficult ones, yes, but never one to trick you. I think he has a knight-in-shining-armour-complex and thinks of them as honourless.”

“No trick questions?” Rachel asked for confirmation, her face lit up with hope as if Mike had just revealed that he was Jesus.

“No trick questions,” Mike repeated.

“That means I can pass the test!” Rachel exclaimed.

“You could have passed the test at any given time,” Mike assured her. Silence descended upon them and both of them watched the other students that mingled in the park, studying together or simply relaxing.

“Soooo,” Rachel began and Mike had enough experience with females to know that what was about to come would definitely be either awkward or uncomfortable for him.

“What´s with you and Harvey?” Mike chocked, startling some nearby students who looked at him like he was about to die. When he had his lungs calmed down, he turned towards Rachel, face flushed bright red.

“What about me and Harvey?” he asked.

“Come on,” Rachel nudged him. “There is nothing going on there? There´s a betting pool when you´ll finally come out. I´m still on top, but maybe you could hurry it along, so that I won´t lose my money?” Mike just gaped at her.

“What the hell!?!” he exclaimed. “Harvey´s a professor.”

“I looked it up,” Rachel told him smugly. “It isn´t explicitly prohibited. Just frowned upon.”

“How do you even got the idea of me and Harvey?” Mike demanded to know, still trying to wrap his mind around that concept.

“Really? I have to spell it out to you?” Rachel replied incredulously. “You spent your whole free time with him or working for him, he laughs at the jokes you tell him and one student saw you fist-bumping once and you always exchange those movie references no one gets and have this intensive eye-fucking thing going on. I know some girls who write erotica about it. And you always call him ‘Harvey’.” No, Mike did not squeal at this piece of information and he definitely didn’t turn red like a fire truck.

“Shouldn’t we concentrate on you, so that you pass the test?” he tried to deflect, doing a poor job doing so. It seemed like Rachel was well aware of that, but thankfully she just went along with him.

Bullet dodged, Mike concentrated on going through the test again, but somehow he couldn’t banish what Rachel had said out of his mind.

* * *

 

Mike was waiting outside of the lecture hall when the period in which Rachel had to retake the test ended. Looking exhausted the brunette left the hall, but the smile on her face chased the fatigue away that had settled around her.

“I did it,” she exclaimed and before Mike could brace himself she had flung herself at him and engulfed him in a fierce hug.

“I did it,” she repeated. “I wasn’t even the slightest bit anxious and it was like the answers to the questions were coming to my mind without prompting.”

“I´m glad,” Mike replied sincere.

“Without you I´d have never made it,” Rachel said. “Let me take you out for dinner. I fear for what you may eat without my proper guidance.” Mike just rolled his eyes.

“Only if I can pronounce it one the first try,” he said.

“Deal.”

* * *

 

**Month 6**

* * *

 

“Harvey,” Jessica greeted him as he entered her office.

“You called for me?” Harvey asked and in his mind he went through all his actions of the last days to see whether or not he´d done something that would warrant him being here. He drew blank.

“I did,” Jessica said evenly. “Sit down.” She pointed at the chair in front of her desk. Harvey knew Jessica long enough to notice when she ordered him to do something but put it in a question in order to not seem too forceful. Right now was such a moment.

“I haven’t done anything for which you could be angry at me,” Harvey said.

“Didn’t they taught you that a man guilty of something would be the first to utter a statement such as yours?” Jessica replied and Harvey just gave her an evil glare, because she had been the one who had taught him everything he knew.

“Then me saying it should prove that I actually did nothing wrong because I´d never be stupid enough to make an amateurish mistake like that,” Harvey countered, which elicited a small smirk from the woman. But as fast as it had come it vanished from her face, leaving behind a more sombre expression.

“There is a reason why I called you here,” she said. Then she added: “A serious one.” Harvey nodded and continued.

“Allegations of improperness have been made,” Jessica told him. “Concerning you and Mike Ross. And no,” – Jessica held up on hand in front of Harvey to stall his interruption – “it wasn’t just Louis who came to me.

Harvey,” Jessica continued in a more forceful tone, “even I have seen how… _close_ you are to him and while we don’t have any explicit rules against it, you know how it is seen by the rest of the faculty and how it could affect your professional career.”

“First,” Harvey began, trying to hold back his anger. “For there to be any improperness there would have to be something between Mike and I, and secondly, even if there was something between us, I wouldn’t give a shit about what others would think. Do you have so little faith in me that you´d believe I slept with my TA?” Faced with Harvey´s outburst Jessica remained unfazed.

“Then tell me what I should have thought when the man that I took under my wing – whom I know like no other – suddenly starts behaving completely different from what I´ve known around one certain person,” Jessica replied with pursed lips. “I know you Harvey; you´re are ruthless, cunning, egoistic; you only care about very few people and your emotional walls are impenetrable. So what was I to think when Mike Ross came along and you started to behave like he was your long lost son just a few weeks after knowing him?”

“I thought that was the whole point of taking a TA,” Harvey shot back. “To take them under your wing and teach them the way of the world. And now you complain that I did exactly that.” Jessica raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

“We both know that, if it had been anyone else, you wouldn’t even have spent a single second ‘teaching them the way of the world’,” she said and in his mind Harvey had to admit that she was probably right. Anyone else but Mike he wouldn’t even have wasted a single second of his precious time on.   

“There´s nothing going on between Mike and I,” Harvey gritted out.

“See that it stays that way,” Jessica said and Harvey could hear the clear dismissal in her voice. Still angry, he stood up and stormed out of the office.

* * *

 

When Harvey slammed the door shut, Jessica leaned back and exhaled slowly. That wasn’t a talk she liked to have had, but university regulations demanded her to do it. To be honest, she didn’t particular minded that Harvey was getting close to his TA. After all, she had witnessed what the association with the blonde genius had done to her protégé.

Harvey smiled more. Real smiles, not those smirks he liked to wear when he had beaten Louis in one of their insignificant office games; smiles that radiated pure happiness and satisfaction. Even if Harvey would deny it, he cared more and it made him a better person.

It was about time that Harvey found a person on the same wavelength as him, Jessica thought. Now, if he´d just make a move on that damn kid, so that she would win the office betting pool Donna was supervising!

* * *

 

Sadly, the talk Jessica had had with Harvey had the exact opposite effect on the man than Jessica had hoped for. Sitting in his office, nursing a glass of scotch and having instructed Donna not to let anyone – not even Mike, which elicited a surprised frown from the red-head – disturb him, he thought about what Jessica had said to him.

He was getting too close to Mike, he thought to himself as the rich flavour of his favourite alcohol made its way down his throat. It just was so easy to fall into the friendly camaraderie they had had developed over the last months. Talking with Mike was like talking to an equal, not to some annoying student that had been pushed onto him. Mike was so mature for his age, but he still made Harvey feel younger and more vitalised than he had ever been since he started teaching here. Sometimes it was even easy to forget that Mike had a girl waiting at home for him, carrying his child.

That thought made some undefinable emotion bloom in his chest and Harvey tried to drown it with another mouthful of scotch. Even if Mike wasn’t a student there wouldn’t be any chance for them. Soon he would have a child to take care of.

And what did Harvey have to offer anyway? He may be a prominent member of a prestigious university, but Harvey didn’t kid himself: Mike would come far with his intellect, so why would he tie himself down to Harvey, who was past his prime already?

He would have to create some distance between them, Harvey realized. So that he could think clear again. To shake off the ghost of a future that could and would never be.

* * *

 

**Month 7**

* * *

 

Something had changed.

Harvey had closed himself completely off to Mike. No inside jokes any longer, no obscure movie references, no hidden fist-bumps. Just cold, professional interaction when it was necessary. They hadn’t exchanged more than a few words over the last days and it darkened Mike´s mood considerably. Even the people around him began to notice.

_“What´s up with you?” Juliette had asked him when he was massaging her swollen feet. “You project an aura of desperation and doom. Does that boss of you give you a hard time?” Mike had denied it of course, but Juliette was far too intelligent to fall for his half-assed excuses._

_“I´ve seen him once, y´know,” she continued. “Hot piece of ass, that Specter. If I were you, I´d go after him.”_

_“He´s my boss,” Mike sputtered. “And why are you even trying to set me up with him.”_

_“Mike,” she turned her head around to face him. “This is a partnership of convenience, not of love. As long as I know that our child has everything it´ll need, I don’t care whom you fancy or with whom you sleep. So if you want to bone Specter, go ahead and do it. Just stop angsting about it.” She laid down again. Mike had continued to massage her._

Even Rachel had noticed that something was amiss.

_“Did you and Harvey have a fight?” she asked when they were sitting in the library, learning for their respective tests. Mike just sighed and put down the book he was currently reading without much success. He just couldn’t concentrate on what was written on the pages, the anxious feeling in his stomach constantly rearing its ugly head._

_“No, we didn’t,” he answered. “We have nothing. It´s like Harvey suddenly lost any interest in me. He doesn’t mistreat me or something like that, but he just…it´s like he´s given up on me or something._

_And do you know what´s the worst?” Mike continued. “Sometimes I see this flicker in his eyes, like it was before and I know he´s about to say something, but then it vanishes again and we´re back to cold distance.” He swallowed hard. Rachel leaned forward and covered his hand with hers._

_“Oh, Mike,” she whispered, her voice full of compassion. “Maybe he´s just scared? Maybe he noticed how close you two were becoming and wanted to turn back time, because he couldn’t handle what was becoming of you two?” Mike laughed, but not because he thought what Rachel had said was funny._

_“We are – or were – friends, nothing more,” he said._

_“Would you like to be more?” Rachel asked. Mike wanted to deny the question, but midway he halted. Did he want more from Harvey than friendship? The fact that he couldn’t deny the question the moment he asked it himself was answer in itself._

_“It doesn’t matter,” he said dejected. “He won´t even talk to me like we used to. No need to torture myself with ‘what if’s.”_

_“Oh, Mike.” And then Rachel engulfed him in a fierce hug and Mike just let himself be held._

But right now Mike had enough of that. He was done with Harvey´s hot and cold behaviour. If the man somehow found fault in Mike, he should say it right into his face and not simply push him away without explanation. Mike had feelings as well and he was done with letting Harvey play with them as he liked.

“Mr Ross, just the person I wanted to see,” Mike turned around and saw Jack Soloff – another law professor with whom he didn’t have much contact – striding up to him.

“Why would you want to see me?” Mike wanted to know, seriously confused.

“I´ve heard rumours about Harvey Specter´s protégé,” Soloff drawled. “And over the last few days I went out of my way to confirm them. It seems that you truly are a genius as everyone says.” Okay, that wasn’t weird at all.

“And you´re here to tell me that?” Mike asked with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, no,” Soloff waved him off. “I´m here to offer you a job as my teaching assistant.” That certainly floored Mike.

“I´ve already got a job as Harvey´s TA,” Mike replied defensively.

“Mmmhhh,” Soloff hummed nonchalantly. “Tell me, how does that work out for you? Not so great as nearly everyone around here as witnessed in some shape or form.” He made a short pause. “You don’t have to decide right now. Just know that my offer stands and with me you´ll at least now where you´re standing.” And with that Soloff strode off while Mike just stood there and thought about what just had happened.

Mike couldn’t deny that Soloff´s offer was tempting. He had heard that the man was competent and treated his students and the people working with and for him with respect. It wouldn’t be like with Harvey where Mike was treated like he was the man´s best friend and the next second with cold indifference.

But throwing in his lot with Soloff would mean abandoning the highs that came with working for Harvey, and the rapport he had developed with Donna. But if Harvey didn’t change is behaviour soon, Mike may be tempted to just accept the offer. He had to talk to the man...see where they were standing.

* * *

 

“Harvey.” Harvey put back the record he was currently holding and continued to let his fingers roam about the records that filled the shelves before him. “I need to talk to you.”

“Are you finished with going over the essays I gave you?” Harvey asked, trying to sound disinterested.

“Yes,” Mike replied. “But that´s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” He paused for a moment, as if he was gathering the courage to spit the words out. “Jack Soloff offered me the position of his TA.” A stab of an unidentifiable emotion shot through Harvey and he grinded his teeth together. Mike was his. That pompous ass Soloff had nothing to do near Mike. He had found Mike, had given him the job when he needed it. Where had Soloff been then?

“What did you say?” Harvey asked, trying to sound neutral. Judging from the disappointed look that flashed over Mike´s face for a short moment, he succeeded.

“That I would think about it,” Mike replied.

“You didn’t say ‘No’ to him?” demanded Harvey to know. It hurt that Mike would give serious consideration to that offer. Why wouldn’t he just say no to the man? Didn’t he see that he belonged right where he was now?

“Why should I?” Mike challenged him.

“Because you´re my TA!” Harvey roared.

“Am I?!” Mike shot right back. “I´m sick and tired of your hot’n’cold-act, Harvey! I thought we were friends, that we had each other´s back, but then you turn around and act like I´m nothing more than a drone doing your dirty work. And do you know what´s the worst?” Mike swallowed. “That I don’t even know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? So yes, I consider the offer, because, let´s be honest, what´s there that´s holding me here?” Mike spread his arms and the look of desperation on his face made Harvey´s heart twinge. And it was this look of desperation that made Harvey realize that what he had done to try to create more distance between them had done nothing more than to hurt Mike in the worst possible way possible.

Harvey just couldn’t do this anymore. The angry glares Donna and Rachel send him, the silent disapproval Jessica managed to convey with one simple look and even Louis’ questioning glances when he brushed off Mike, finally accumulated to the realization that he was only making everyone miserable with his tactic. It hadn’t worked anyway; Mike was too stupidly loyal to just be chased away by his sudden change in behaviour.

“Don’t accept Soloff´s offer,” were the words that finally left Harvey´s mouth.

“Why?” Mike asked, his voice sounding hollow and broken. “Give me one reason, Harvey.”

“Because I need you here.” Mike looked up at this words and the little bit of hope that shone through his eyes gave Harvey the courage to continue. “Because you´re the only one who gets my movie references; the only one who can grade papers the way exactly like I want; the only one who I don’t want to kill because they´re too incompetent to be allowed to walk the hallways; the only one who dares to wear these abominable skinny ties in my presence. Besides, Donna would cry if you were to go. You´re the only one who gets her coffee orders right.”

“You really mean it?” Mike asked and Harvey cursed again at how he had screwed up this big that Mike felt the need to ask such a question.

“I really mean it,” Harvey replied. Yeah, he wouldn’t screw up like that again.

* * *

 

**Month 8**

* * *

 

“You glow,” Juliette stated one day as they were sitting on the veranda.

“How could I possibly glow?” Mike wanted to know incredulously.

“I don’t know,” Juliette admitted. “But ever since a week ago you have this inner glow, like the whole word had suddenly turned right for you.” She eyed him calculatingly. “It doesn’t have to do something with one Harvey Specter, does it?”

“Why do you think that my every mood swing is dependent on Harvey?” Mike groaned.

“Because it usually is,” Juliette smirked back at him. “I think you should give the whole Marvey-thing a chance.”

“Marvey?” Mike raised his eyebrows at her.

“Constantly referring to you two as ‘Mike and Harvey’ in my mind became to tedious,” Juliette shrugged. “Mike and Harvey, Marvey, you understand?” Mike opened his mouth and then closed it again, because there was nothing he could say to that.

“You have me and Harvey on your mind?” he asked and instantly regretted it. He really didn’t want to know.

“Of course,” Juliette said in a ‘duh’-voice as if he had asked the most stupid question ever. “I mean, there´s living proof that I slept with you and Specter isn´t one I´d say no to either, so why not imagine you two going at each other in his office?” Mike´s ears burned bright red at this admission.

“That´s something I can directly sort under ‘Things I never wanted to know, but now I do and I can´t forget it anyway’,” he said. Juliette looked at him disbelievingly.

“As if you never imagined something like that,” she teased.

“No, I didn’t,” Mike lied.

* * *

 

“How long do you think will it be before one of them finally cracks?” Rachel asked Donna as they were going through the students’ records, because some professor from another department had messed up their filling system.

Donna didn’t need to ask for further clarification as to whom Rachel was referring to. Hell, at this point the nearly the whole faculty was in on the betting pool she had set up. Even Louis had bet some money on when Mike and Harvey would finally get their acts together.

“I think it´ll be Harvey,” Rachel continued as she browsed through another file, which wasn’t the one she had been looking for.

“Why that?” Donna inquired. Nope, this wasn’t the record either.

“Because Mike thinks he has some responsibility to his baby´s mother to be celibate for the rest of his life,” Rachel said and rolled her eyes.

“Men,” both she and Donna uttered at the same moment and then shared a laugh.

“But Harvey is in hardcore denial of his feelings,” Donna pointed out. “I mean, he obviously does more than care about Mike, but he just doesn’t get it!” She blew away one errand strand of hair.

“Mike isn´t better, though,” Rachel admitted. “He always says, that they´re ‘just friends’.” She huffed in disbelief. “’Just friends’ my ass.”

“Rachel!” Donna exclaimed in mock-shock. Rachel just rolled her eyes at her friend.

“As if you weren’t thinking the same,” Rachel said. Donna had to concede that point.

“Should we do something?” Rachel asked. Donna thought for a short while and then had her answer.

“No,” she said. “At least not now. But if they don’t get their acts together after the baby is born, we´ll have the duty as their friends to do something about this deplorable situation.”

“Because then you´d be the one to win the betting pool,” Rachel pointed out and Donna just gave her a dazzling smile. That was why she liked the other woman so much. She and Rachel made a great team together.

* * *

 

“Why did I even agree on playing chess against you?” Rachel asked as Mike had defeated her the fourth time in a row.

“Because like the rest of humanity you live under the illusion that you´ll always do better at the next try,” Mike lectured her. “It´s a scientific proven fact that the human brain is wired that way and that´s also at basic how casinos work.”

“Now I know something new with which I can impress my friends,” Rachel laughed and rolled on her back, staring at the sky. She could feel Mike laying down beside her.

“Mike?”

“Mmmhh,” the blonde hummed.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did,” was his reply.

“A serious one,” Rachel added. When Mike said nothing, she continued: “Why do you always hang around with either Harvey, Donna or me? Aren´t there any other people you´re friends with?” There was a moment of silence and Rachel already feared that she had somehow overstepped some invisible boundary.

“It isn´t easy, y´know?” Mike replied. “Being a genius. The teachers are always singling you out and showing you off. That didn’t make me any friends back in school. I was always the teacher´s pet or the freak. But there were two people who befriended me nevertheless.

Trevor and Jenny were the only friends I had in my life until Harvey gave me the position as his TA. They liked me despite my memory; they saw behind the genius and saw the lonely little boy.”

“What happened?” Rachel asked, because Mike had never mentioned them before, so something must have happened.

“Trevor…” Mike started, but then hesitated. “He wasn’t a bad guy, but he was someone who took risks too eagerly when there was a reward to be had at the end without thinking much about possible consequences until one day they caught up with him.” A short pause. “He sold drugs – nothing hard; grass and the like – but one day it wasn’t enough and he started selling the heavy stuff. Only the more money you can make with drugs, the more dangerous the people you deal with become. He became indebted to people that weren’t good. And one day while he was out with Jenny they murdered him. Shot him in the head right in front of her.”

“Oh my God,” Rachel exclaimed, feeling sick.

“After that Jenny was never the same,” Mike continued. “A few weeks after Trevor´s death she tried to kill herself.” Rachel held her breath. “She survived, but since then she is in a specialized clinic in Montana that helps people deal with traumatizing events. I try to visit her at least once a month.”

“I´m so sorry,” Rachel said. “You must have been so lonely here without them.”

“I was,” Mike admitted. “But now I´ve made new friends: You, Harvey, Donna – hell, even Louis likes me a little bit, I think.” He laughed out loud and Rachel soon followed suit.

Maybe Mike had been lonely once, but Rachel would make sure that he would never be so again.

* * *

 

**Month 9**

* * *

 

“Mike?!” The panicked voice of Juliette was what tore Mike out of his slumber. Within seconds, he´d opened his eyes and jumped out of his bed, running along the hallway to the room where Juliette was in. The light was already on.

Juliette was lying in the bed, the bedsheets soaked in blood. There was so much blood. Too much.

“Mike?” Juliette repeated, her voice panicked and full of fatigue, so unlike her.

“I call the ambulance.” Even while saying this Mike had already tipped in the number in his phone.

“911, what is your emergency?” came the voice of the female operator.

“My girlfriend –“ because that was shorter than ‘the girl I got pregnant and I´m now in a platonic friendship with’ – “the baby is coming…but there´s too much blood…the whole bed is soaked….”

“Where are you now, sir?” the operator asked while she seemed to type something. Mike ratted down his address.

“I dispatched an ambulance to your location,” the operator informed him. “They should arrive in five minutes. Please do not hang up and stay in the line.”

“Okay,” Mike replied. Then he put his mobile on speaker and put it beside him.

“Everything´s gonna be okay,” he tried to assuage Juliette´s fear, but how could he do it when he himself was inwardly panicking?

“Mike,” Juliette called his name again and griped his hand with more strength than she should possess. “You…you have to promise me something.”

“Everything,” Mike was eager to agree.

“If…if,” Juliette began and swallowed. “If I don’t make it, please, promise me, that you will keep our child and love it like you loved nothing else before.” A tear run down her cheek. “And tell him about its mother, who loved him so much, even though she never saw his face. Please, promise me!”

“I will,” Mike promised, tears threatening to spill. “But you´ll make it.” Juliette just gave him a sad smile.

“C´mon, Mike,” she said. “Let´s not kid each other; we´ve probably both looked up the maternal mortality rate. It doesn’t look good for me, does it?” Mike didn’t reply anything, because what Juliette had said was true. He had looked it up.

“I´m sorry that I couldn’t love you,” he said instead.

“I´m not,” Juliette replied. Before Mike could reply something, the doorbell rang. The ambulance was there.

* * *

 

The moment they entered the hospital, Juliette was transported into a delivery room while nobody bothered to inform Mike about what was happening. It was a flurry of activity – like a storm had suddenly sprung forth around them – that abated the moment the double doors closed behind the bed Juliette was laying on. Then silence stretched around Mike, together with the white of the wall and the cold light of the neon tubes creating a surreal atmosphere of otherworldliness.

“Mr Ross?” A nurse came up to him. Her name tag introduced her as Melissa McCall. Her brown and wavy hair was put into a pony tail which made her look older than she probably was, yet her eyes were full of warmth and kindness and her smile was sincere.

“Yes, that´s me,” Mike replied.

“I´m sorry to tell you, but we can´t allow you to be in there with your girlfriend as her condition is too critical,” she explained with her voice tinted with sorrow as her face took on a more solemn expression. Mike didn’t bother to correct her about her assumption about him and Juliette. “But I promise you that I´ll personally inform you the moment you can go in and see her.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

“Okay,” was the only word Mike brought over his lips. Obviously sensing that he wanted to be left alone, the nurse squeezed his arm and went on to continue her round on the ward. Mike sat down on nearby uncomfortable plastic chairs and stared at the wall in front of him where pictures of flowers unsuccessfully tried to repel the oppressing hospital atmosphere.

Suddenly, there was this urge to call Harvey. He would know what to do. Harvey always knew what to do. Yes, Mike would call Harvey.

Before Mike could even think about it, he had pulled out his mobile and tipped in the number that he knew by heart.

“Mike, it´s four am in the morning,” was the first thing Harvey said when he picked up the call. “I sure hope it´s worth it.”

“The baby´s coming,” Mike rushed. “But there´s complication and they don´t know if Juliette will make it.” There was a short moment of silence.

“I´m coming,” Harvey said and Mike heard the rustling of something – probably a coat or something similar. “Which hospital are you at?”

“St Bethany´s,” Mike answered, then: “Thank you, Harvey.” But Harvey had already ended the call. After that the only thing Mike could do was griping his mobile tighter and tighter until his grasp left visible marks on the plastic surface. There hadn’t been anyone to tell him what was going on. Not even Melissa McCall with the warm brown eyes and the warm smile. Just him and the empty hallway, with the occasional nurse hastily scurrying by.

* * *

 

“Mike?” Mike didn’t know how much time actually had passed, but right now the sound of Harvey´s voice was like salvation. Mike looked up to the man standing in the hallway – a black spot in the pristine surroundings – and a half-smile lit up his face.

And then Harvey did something completely unexpected. He hugged Mike – and Mike clung to Harvey like he was his only lifeline in a stormy sea. He tasted something salty and then Mike realized that he was crying. Slowly the tears made their way down his cheeks and fell on Harvey´s coat, sinking into the black wool like they never even existed.

“What if they don’t make it?” Juliette didn’t deserve to die. Mike didn’t love her, but she was something special and some man out there was waiting for her. She was funny, intelligent and compassionate and Mike had no doubt that she would make a great mother, even if she didn’t possess some of the typical motherly instincts.

And their child…what if it would never see the outside of some delivery room? Mike had read up on death during childbirth and it wasn’t as vanquished as many liked to believe. Mike didn’t think that he could handle losing his child.

Harvey gripped his shoulders and looked Mike directly into his eyes.

“Mike, calm down,” he said and inexplicably it was Harvey´s voice that made Mike rampaging heart calm down and his breath even out. “You know I´d never lie to you, so I can´t promise you that they´ll make it.” Harvey paused for a moment. “But I can promise you that worrying yourself to death won´t help them…so just sit down and tell me about the essays I gave you yesterday.”

Mike knew that it was stupid. What would it matter if he told Harvey about the far-fetched theories of Amy concerning the Patriotic Act or the bloodcurdling spelling mistakes Owen still managed to smuggle past the autocorrection? But once the words started to come out of his mouth, he just couldn’t help and continued to tell Harvey every little detail that he had noticed.

Harvey just sat there beside him and listened to him.

* * *

 

“Mr Ross.” Mike interrupted his telling of Clarisse’s surprisingly concise argumentation only to see Melissa McCall and another man in doctor´s overall standing before him with stony faces and pitying gaze. Fear griped cold around Mike´s heart.

“Yes?” he whispered brokenly, afraid of what was to come.

“I´m very sorry to inform you that your wife died during childbirth,” the doctor said with the voice of someone who had brought the same message to hundred others before Mike. McCall gave the doctor an angry glare that would have any lesser man cowering.

But Mike didn’t notice anything of it all. It was like the whole outside-world had been pushed back behind glass; no sound – nothing – coming through. Juliette was dead. Mike didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. He was sad that she had died – he truly was – but he wasn’t sad for himself. He was sad for Juliette herself, who would never finish her degree and revolutionize whatever field she chose. For the world that was suddenly robbed of a bright and innovate mind. He was sad for her parents, who would one day recognize their mistake in casing out their only daughter but would never get the chance to reconcile with their child. He was sad for the man who would never have the chance to love Juliette like she deserved it. He was sad for everyone but himself.

“And…our child?” he asked.

“It survived,” McCall informed him. “In fact, it´s a normal and healthy baby.” She paused for a moment. “Do you want to see…” She left open which one.

“Yes, I´d like that,” Mike nodded.

* * *

 

“Harvey, I can´t do this…I can´t raise him alone,” Mike spluttered panicked, the baby in his arm still sleeping; a stark contrast to his hysterical father. Seeing Mike so distraught made Harvey´s heart twinge. This should be a joyous occasion, not this mockery. Mike shouldn’t have to mourn the death of his child´s mother.

“What if I´ll be a terrible father?” Mike asked in tiny voice.

And it was in this moment that everything Harvey had been holding back broke through the damn he had built in his mind.

“Bullshit!” he cursed, which earned him a stern glare from the nurse that was just passing by. Harvey ignored her. “You´re the most compassionate and kind man I ever knew. You hold open the door for every person you met, you helped Rachel study for her tests, even though you barely had time; you bring Donna her favourite coffee every day without interruption – hell, you´re even nice to Louis! So never, never ever doubt that you will be a great father!” And before Harvey could think his actions through, he had planted his lips firmly on Mike´s.

Harvey had thought many times of the moment where he could finally claim Mike as his, but he could have never imagined that it would be like this. Mike tasted of the coffee he had drunk during the whole stay in the hospital; of mince and something inherently Mike, that Harvey couldn’t pinpoint. He tasted like books and papers, like the halls of university and like a home Harvey would love to come back to every day.

When Harvey finally released Mike from his kiss – very carefully so that he wouldn’t harm the child – he feared to see rejection plain in those cerulean eyes, but it wasn’t there. The only thing he could see was joy and some kind of confusion.

“Since when?” Mike asked and he didn’t need to speak further.

“Since you were there for me when my mother died,” Harvey replied. “Please, Mike, don’t send me away. We can make it.”

“We?” Mike replied unsurely.

“Yes, we,” Harvey smiled. “After all, that little guy in your arms needs an awesome role model, lest he develops a fondness for skinny ties.”

* * *

 

**Four Years Later**

* * *

 

Julien was only four years old, but even he knew that today was a special day for dad and daddy. Auntie Donna and Rachel had been giggling and crying the last few days and Julien knew that it meant that they had something planned for his daddies. Even Meanie Louis was here – he made Julien cry once and dad had been very angry about that! – and ‘Queen’ Jessica. She liked when Julien called her that.

“Grammy,” Julien said and tugged at his grammy´s arm. “What we´re doing here?”

“You´re daddies are getting married,” Grammy said and smiled down on him.

“What´s ‘married’,” Julien wondered.

“It means that your daddies love each other and want the whole world to know it,” Grammy explained.

Well, that was stupid, Julien thought. His daddies had always loved each other, so why would they marry now? And the whole world already knew it: Jessica, Louis, Donna and Rachel and even all the students that liked to pet his head and coo at him. Julien really didn’t like that.

“Wait!” Julien shouted with a look of dawning horror on his face. “Will they kiss?” Grammy laughed out loud.

“Oh yes,” she said, whipping on tear out of the corner of her eye. “There will be plenty of kissing.”

“Ew!” Julien exclaimed. “Can we get ice cream instead?” He looked up hopefully to his grandmother.

“Now, you wouldn’t leave your daddies alone, would you?”

“Daddy!” Julien exclaimed and ran at the two man standing behind them. Strong arms engulfed him and lifted him from the ground until he could look into the hazel eyes of his Dad. Next to him Daddy stood and watched the two of them with a big smile on his face.

“Today is a special day for Daddy and I,” his dad began to explain. “And we want you to be there.”

“Will I get ice cream afterwards?” Julien pouted.

“As much as you want,” Daddy answered and Julien smiled brightly.

“You´re the best! I love you!”

“We love you as well, don´t we, Harvey?” Daddy laughed.

“Yes, I love you two as well.” 

 

 


End file.
